Piece of My Mind

No… Nope… Nah… Not a chance… No can do… Thanks but No-Thanks…

0 Comments 26 January 2010

Coming into the New Year I wanted to FPD to back up with dating and relationship advice but also actively integrate self-improvement strategies to help take all of us writers and readers alike to the next level!

Saying “NO” can be so very liberating! Many of us are used to saying “no” “nope” and/or “not a chance” however some of us really struggle with that two letter word.

Saying “No” grant you as many opportunities if not more than saying “yes”.

Don’t believe me? Sure you do. But I will explain anyway…

Saying No to things you do not want to do, or care to do gives you the opportunity to do what you really want to do and cultivate those interests.

Saying No reduces the stress of taking on too many activities and over-working yourself

Saying No is a helpful aid in prioritizing, you don’t have to say NO immediately you could simply say “I need time to think about it” put things into perspective then return with a “no” or whatever you decide.

I felt this post was needed because it peeves me when people say “yes” to things asked of them only to find themselves complaining, moody, and overwhelmed… I always ask them “why did you say ‘yes’?!” You are tormenting yourself… Trust me if you say “No” there will be someone else out there willing to say “Yes” and that is okay… really it is okay!

Let’s talk more about the inability to say “NO”

I have identified the following as reasons why people struggle with saying NO

GUILT : For some reason you feel guilty about the situation, circumstances or something you have done and your guilt persuades you to say yes and always be there at their beckoning call.

PRESSURE: This person is persistent and refuses to let up, they ask you ready and willing to paint you in the corner practically demanding that you agree and you can’t help be surrender to the pressure.

OBLIGATION: You feel obliged to grant their request because you are a member of the organization, a family member, a lover, a (insert title here) and you feel that with the title comes the responsibility of doing everything they ask… well because they asked.

SUPER-SYNDROME: This is for people who think 1) they are the only… I mean ONLY person out there who can do the job right and don’t want to risk anyone else doing it because they believe they will fall short or mess it up… 2) they can take on any and everything, their shoulders are as strong as Atlas’ and by saying “no” they are being weak and inadequate, so by saying yes and completing the task others will see how productive and superb they are… hmmm

TOO NICE: And finally, some people just can’t say “no” their heart is just so soft and full of a spirit of giving that they give and give until the well runs dry. They feel that service is their duty and they are happy to oblige and do so even at their own demise.

I don’t feel I need to address each of the profiles in order to present the solution…

Put you and your sanity first.

Whether you are “TOO NICE,” feel “GUILTY” or suffer from the “SUPER-Syndrome” you have to pause for a second before taking on too many tasks and put yourself and your sanity first.

There is nothing more important than your well-being and by failing to set boundaries you are putting you well being at risk… Yep that’s right… saying “NO” is an elementary form of setting boundaries and we all know how I feel about “Boundaries” .

When you do…

When you do say “No”, please be honest about why you can’t do it, you don’t have to tell them everything, but don’t lie: Dishonesty is something FPD does not support.

Also, if someone is asking you to do something and you KNOW you’re going to say “No” or you don’t want to do it… don’t ask questions like “When is it due? What needs to be done? Who else is doing it?” C’mon… cut the crap and let them know you’re not interested so they can get busy asking someone else.

Now I’m not saying go out there and say “no” to everyone and everything I am just encouraging you to be comfortable with saying “No.”

…Is there someone you just can’t say “No” to? … Do you struggle with saying “yes”? please share!